Saturday, October 27, 2012

10 ways to improve your happiness

10-13-12 I found this link in one of Oprah's newletters and decided to give you the link because it relates to happiness:

10-27-12 Karma (Cause and Effect)

I have written about cause and effect before. I feel that cause and effect is the core of our human experience and should be stated and restated until we can truly be aware and live within that awareness.

I believe in past lives which I have also stated before. Lately, I’ve been experiencing a kind of unhappy force affecting me. I don’t know very much about karma which led me to ask questions about it. One of my friends sent me some documents to read on the subject. I’m going to share part of my research with you because it’s apropos to this blog. I do not know the author; therefore, I cannot give credit:

“Karma” is both action and the consequence of that action; it is cause and effect simultaneously, because every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.

“What you sow is what you reap.” If we want to create happiness in our lives, we must learn to sow the seeds of happiness. Therefore, karma implies the action of conscious choice-making.

In every moment of our existence, we have access to an infinity of choices. Some of these choices are made consciously, while others are made unconsciously. We should become consciously aware of the choices we make in every moment. Whether you like it or not, everything that is happening at this moment is a result of the choices you’ve made in the past. Unfortunately, a lot of us make choices unconsciously.

If I were to insult you, you would most likely make the choice of being offended. If I were to pay you a compliment, you would most likely make the choice of being pleased or flattered. It’s still a choice. I could offend you and I could insult you, and you could make the choice of not being offended. I could pay you a compliment and you could make the choice of not letting that flatter you either.

Even though we are infinite choice-makers, we have become bundles of reflexes that are constantly being triggered by people and circumstances into predictable outcomes of behavior.

Our reactions seem to be automatically triggered by people and circumstances, and we forget that these are still choices that we are making in every moment of our existence. We are simply making these choices unconsciously.

If you step back for a moment and witness the choices you are making as you make those choices, then in just this act of witnessing, you take the whole process from the unconscious realm into the conscious realm. This procedure of conscious choice-making and witnessing is very empowering.

When you make any choice—any choice at all—you can ask yourself two things: First all, “What are the consequences of this choice I’m making?” In your heart you will immediately know what these are. Secondly, “will this choice that I’m making now bring happiness to me and to those around me?” If the answer is yes, then go ahead with that choice. (This choice works out Karma that matches.) If the answer is no, if that choice brings distress either to you or to those around you, then don’t make that choice. (This choice creates Karma.”

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

10-16-12 Saying Yes when you want to say No

So many of us say yes when we want to say no. I used to do that and it is a place where I would blame the other person because they should know better.

I’ll use this example:

While I was going through my divorce to the father of my two daughters, a friend with her three children moved in for a while. Her children were younger than mine. We lived together quite well except she would wash one of her large rugs in my washing machine.

I did not want her to do that because I was afraid the machine would not be able to handle that big rug without breaking down. This was an issue for me, but I just couldn’t bring myself to ask her to wash that rug at a laundromat. I know this seems really silly, but I think it is a good representation of how we fall into these kind of situations.

I was finally able to ask her to take her not to wash her rug in my machine. She was fine with it. I was so surprised once I finally got the nerve up to ask her how easy it was.

This then led to many other situations where I used to say yes, when I wanted to say no.

It took time before I took complete responsibility for my own state of mind and was able to finally always say exactly what I meant. I could not believe how scary it was to ask her. I really fretted over this until I was able to ask her. There were many other situations that I have fretted over telling someone like my boss or my co-worker exactly what I meant to say. I can honestly say, now, I have no problem speaking my mind in a kind way always taking into consideration the other persons dignity.

If I don’t want to say what I mean in a kind way, then, I look inside myself what my real issue is and I always find the issue is my own perception. I ask for help in choosing for God. The help is always instantly there and I am surprised and how simple the answer is.

Another example of this is when my husband asked me for a divorce, I was clueless that he was not happy.
He is a really nice chap and he was doing all the thinking and feeling for me and could not bring himself to
express what he was unhappy about.  During counseling, I found out that he had been unhappy for a long time and was not able to say anything about it because he was just too nice of a guy.

We could have saved out marriage if he would have been able to tell me what he was feeling. I would have tried to change whatever needed changed or we could have went to counseling long before he got to the point of no return for himself.  He was not being a "nice guy" by not being able to express what was wrong, he was being cruel because it ended our marriage and hurt our children.  He beat himself up over his inability to say what he was feeling for three years before he realized that we did not need to get divorced.  It was too late for me and there was another woman involved.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

10-11-12 We can literally stop our suffering.

I received a verision of this in my email.  The words are not mine, I just changed them to fit the subject of this blog.

I can elect to change all thoughts that are the cause for any hurt or fear or pain and suffering.

I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts." Since these hurtful thoughts were chosen by me, I can now elect -- i.e., choose -- to change them.*

Loss is not loss when properly perceived. Pain is impossible. There is
no grief with any cause at all. And suffering of any kind is nothing but a
dream. These words are the truth but very few will ever process to be able to truly know
the truth of these words.

Loss, pain, grief, and suffering are made up and believed, practiced, never questioned in this world of form. . Because we are eternal beings and created by “LOVE”, we can
laugh at sickness, starvation, poverty, and death. We laugh, not because we are
making fun of ourselves or others who are in pain, but because of the silliness
in believing that a part of God could wrench itself from Him and therefore
suffer. Our deep investment in pain and grief blocks us from the pure estactic joy of
living in complete peace, understanding the purety of our creation.

This is the truth, at first to be but said and then repeated many
times; and next to be accepted as but partly true, with many reservations. Then
to be considered seriously more and more, and finally accepted as the truth.

*Jesus traces the course of everyone’s process. First we read the words and say them over and over, struggling to understand them. We then attempt to accept
their truth -- perhaps they are true, but not all the time -- and even if we
believe intellectually they are true, our daily lives certainly do not
demonstrate that belief. Yet Jesus understands we are not going to accept this
immediately, for it is a process spanning many, many years, not simply months.

In fact, this truth goes directly against everything we believe and
stand for as separate entities. Thus considerable time and hard work are
required to admit gratefully -- albeit begrudgingly at first -- we were wrong
about everything, especially the person we think we see in our bathroom mirror
every morning. When we finally accept our mistake -- and Jesus does not mean our
intellectual acceptance -- we are in the real world, for we have learned
everything our teacher can teach us.

Here’s the affirmation that was suggested you could use to help you with this change of mind:
“I can elect to change all thoughts that hurt. And I would go beyond these words today, and past all reservations, and arrive at full acceptance of the truth in them."

If you pray, here is the suggested prayer: "Father, what You have given cannot hurt, so grief and pain must be impossible. Let me not fail to trust in You today, accepting but the joyous as Your gifts; accepting but the joyous as the truth."

Saturday, October 6, 2012

10-9-12  Insecurities

It's been a while since I have had something to say. I've been reflecting, just have not felt ready to produce.

My subject today is experiencing feelings of insecurity.  It seems most everyone I know has both confidence and insecurities.  I'm going to judge that this is probably normal.  I have some friends that are arrogant, which I've been told is the mind's way of denying insecurity by being boastful on the outside but still terrified that someone will find out they are really extremely insecure.

I have some insecurities which mostly are experienced at my job.  It will be interesting to see if they no longer exist when I retire in 6 months.  I always feel insecure when I'm in the company of anyone who seems to know anything that I do not know much about.  This happens quite often, but I tend to be attracted to information about the things I'm interested in.  In other words, there are many areas that I don't have any opinions or knowledge about because I haven't sought it out.

Having confidence in yourself about your abilities and not letting someone else's opinion about your abilities is the key to happiness.  I think you can have good self esteem and still be insecure in some areas of your life. 

The feeling of being insecure means that you have thoughts that have generated the insecurity. This  wonderful news because your thoughts are totally under your control as soon as you realize it and seek out changing your thoughts to rid yourself of the insecurity.  I ceratainly like knowing that my insecurity is not real that it is just a manifestation of my own incorrect thinking about myself.  This incorret thinking may be a result of some past experience where I perceived I was under verbal attack or I allowed someone else's words be the source I took upon myself which created my insecurity. I just like knowing that it's all under my control. I may not be able to correct my thinking immediately, it might take some long periods of introspect.

I will probably have more to say on this subject, but I have to close for now.