FREE WILL 10-29-11

I’ve touched on free will and now I want to discuss it more.

Along with our eternal soul creator gave us comes free will. My interpretation of free will is that the powers that run the universe will not interfere with our choices even if our choices will eventually hurt us. It just isn’t allowed. We humans are continually asking for help and if it seems like we did not get that help, we blame God (the universe). God gets blamed for a lot that he has no control over because it falls under our free will. The beautiful part is that we get the help we ask for before and after our choices even is we don’t recognize that help.

We each have a guardian angel that is always with us. We can elicit help there if we are aware. Some people have second sight and can actually see their angel/angels. You can be sure they are there, even if you don’t believe.

Belief is the prerequisite of the manifestation of the actual help you get. Every human is abundantly cared for. The guarantee of the abundance is there, but the actual knowing that you are receiving such abundance requires your belief in it. This is what I mean by “Free Will”. I’ll use myself as my example. When I really heard Psalms 23, not the first time, but the first time I really took it to heart, I understood my belief that I was completely taken care of at all times (applying my free will), is when I was able to partake of the abundant table that was set before me in the presence of my enemies. Don’t get me wrong, being completely taken care of does not mean that I get everything I want, but I do get everything I need (not what I think I need, but what the universe determines I need). I am always having to practice letting go of any attachment I have to getting what I want.

There is a lot of poverty and starvation in the world which could be the argument against this table of abundance. I certainly cannot explain that one, but maybe it has something to do with the lack of belief that the abundance is actually there. It’s been my experience that my belief is my guarantee.

Free will is the opposite of Ego. Until we take charge of our ego by first identifying what it is and how it operates, it is impossible to have access to our free will. This is the state of our societies. Ego is our unconscious programming determining our personality and our definition of what is moral and socially acceptable behavior which is separate from all other selves. Ego is our driver and is on auto pilot determining what our reactions will be in any given situation. Our ego is only of this world. It has nothing to do with our real self, our eternal self. In other words it only seems to exist like all other aspects of the world that is not eternal. Once you understand your ego and why you do and say the things you do and say, you can now actually have a choice and you may choice to evoke free will over ego. The trick to eternal happiness and bliss while playing in this world is to turn your free will over to the love that rules the universe. I’m not there yet. It takes an enlightened individual to accomplish it. The practice is so worth it.

Delusional Love 10-22-11

I am a cured relationship addict. I have fallen under the spell of delusional love many, many times. Did I say many? Yes, many times. I lived in Maui for a year and while there, I was cured from being co-dependant. I no longer experienced the “need” to be in an intimate relationship. This was a miracle for me.

The rest of what I’m going to say is purely my opinion. I think delusional love is not so much about the other person as it is about us. The other person represents something that we see is lacking in ourselves even though we may not be aware that we see any lack. There is something about being with this person that fills us up and adds value to us. This value we give to ourselves because of what we see in the other person. I realized that I valued myself through my sexuality and what I thought the men I was with thought about me. Have you ever asked yourself if you even knew the other person you just broke it off with? The truth is what we knew about that person is whay we wanted to know.

Many people have turned delusional love into a very real shared love with respect, friendship and longevity. Kudos to them.

My case is similar to what I hear many other people say. I was co-dependant and tended to give up my plans, my needs, and my individual thinking to do their plan and take care of their needs. It seems I go for the self-absorbed type. I know that a couple of these men were “nice guys”. I put that in parenthesis because nice guys have trouble talking about what bothers them. They do not like any confrontation. In order to have a happy healthy relationship, it is important to be able to communicate with your partner about every issue. Changes cannot be made if you don’t have inkling that something is wrong.

I focus on myself better when I'm not in a relationship. I get more of me accomplished. I'm a better mother, better friend, and better employee.  My spirituality has progressed further and is stronger.
If you are with someone who finds it impossible or very difficult to discuss their feelings, I implore you to find a safe way to make communication possible. Be friends and be loving. Each of you take responsibility for how you each, individually see what needs correcting. The grass is not greener. The face may change but the problems will be the same. It’s never the other guy! Fix what’s wrong with your ability to relate well.

The kind of happiness that is presented in this blog is not temporary happiness, it is all-encompassing happiness. It can happen. It’s a lot of hard work to change ourselves from within, but it is so worth it. It is why were are here at this time. You will discover your relationships transform.

Cultivating and our true compassion 10-20-11

Greed, hatred, ignorance and delusion love; these emotions do not lead to happiness.

Ignorance here means not knowing your true self and delusion love feels like happiness but usually ends in disappointment.

Cultivating is the perfect word to use in context of cultivating your true nature. If you understand how a beautiful garden grows, you know that it takes care; weeding, feeding, watering, sunshine, and tender loving care.

Groundedness, calmness, peace of mind, contemplation, gain, and the fullness of love will be the results of cultivating.

Quoting Confucius (Doctrine of the Mean, Chapter 13), “One who practices loyalty and forgiveness is not far from Tao (true, eternal love). What you do not like to be done to yourself, do not do to others.”

We are all naturally compassionate. It is inherent in our true nature. Let me elaborate what is meant when it is said that all men have a mind which cannot bear to see the sufferings of others, the meaning may be illustrated this way: Even now-a-days, if you see a child about to fall into a well, you will without exception experience a feeling of alarm and distress. You will feel so, not a a ground on which you may gain the favor of the child’s parents, nor as a ground on which you seek the praise of others, nor from a dislike to the reputation of having been unmoved by such a situation. This is our original nature and conscience. It has nothing to do with gain or loss. It flows out from our true nature naturally.
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My mind wants to hash over the past with negative memories. Happiness can only be achieved in the present. I have had to stand guard over my thoughts to keep dismissing them as that was then, but I learned. No good can be gained by dwelling on words that were said, events that happened, bringing up past hurts, and past mistakes, or what we feel others have done to us. Some of them seem really hard to dismiss from my mind. It sometimes feels like my mind is on auto re-wind. I’ve made my choice for peace of mind and happiness; therefore, cultivating is the way for me. I’m grateful to know there is a way to complete happiness and that happiness can happen. It’s the only way that makes sense to me.

FRIENDHIP REPOSTED WITH MORE 10-15-11

The only “real” relationship is friendship. I put italics on the word real because I’m coming from the eternal perspective. The fact that I’m pushing we are eternal beings having a human experience is the place for your mind to be while reading this if you are going to get anything out of it. Even if you don’t buy the eternal part, just pretend for the sake of this presentation.

Due to the fact that we are eternal beings and we are here in our bodies and in this world, I find it helpful to separate myself from the endless roles that I am attached to either of my own doing or roles others have put on me. When I say roles I mean, mother, daughter, woman, lover, co-worker, employee, etc. Separating myself from the expectations that come inter-twined with roles helps me not interfere in the lives of my children, family and friends any more. I’ve been guilty of interfering in the past. I make changes every day; therefore, the past for me can be yesterday.

Free will does not mean that I get to choose the plan for my growth. I only get to choose when I learn any of my lessons. The same lesson will be sent to me until I have learned it. I know that I have learned it because I have peace in that situation where I used to have a spectrum of feelings from annoyance to hysteria regarding that situation.

I cringe when I hear people say, “We’re only friends.” "I don't want to ruin our friendship." Once, intimacy enters the friendship, they cease to be friends. It’s no wonder there are so many problems connected to sex.

Friendship has many levels to it:

1. The first level could be called the casual encounter; two students walking home from school together. I
     heard an interesting story in regards to two students walking home from school. One very quiet student
    who no one ever noticed and one popular student live in the same neighborhood. The quiet student was
    walking a way in front of the popular student and accidently dropped his books. The popular student ran
    up and helped him pick up his books. The two continued their walk home side by side exchanging small
    talk. The reason the quiet student had so many books with him was he had decided to kill himself on that
   day. The other student’s offer of friendship saved the other student’s life. The two students became friends
   and stayed friends throughout their lives. The casual encounter could also include a one-night stand,
   bumping into a child and showing the child kindness, and even just exchanging eye contact. There have
   been two occasions where eye contact was so profound that I have never forgot those two moments and
   they each happened many, many years ago.

2. The second level of friendship is acquaintances; neighbors, fellow students, co-workers, friends of your
    close friends, store clerks, etc. These friendships seem to be superficial. There is always an exchange of
    different sorts some pleasant and some aggravating. I have learned many things about myself and the
    world I live in from this level of friendship. Some of these friendships were the beginning of the next level
    of friendship.

3. This level is friends/relationships we get to experience for a time, some longer than others. This level can
     be the beginning of a friendship/relationship that will later become what is perceived as an enemy as in the
     examples of abuse, betrayal, broken promises, etc. Where there once was an open door, now there is a
     wall. I borrowed that line from a song. I’ve had many friends that fit into this level. Friends I wish I still
      had contact with.

4. The final level is friendships/relationships, once formed, last a life-time. It is with these friends we get
   to experience ourselves to the fullest from the worst of us to the best of us. There are many lessons on this
   level that will carry us into eternity.

There is lots of rhetoric on how to be a good friend. This can be helpful if you have run across it and choose to use the advice in nurturing your friendships/relationships. Mainly these peopel provide a process of reaction and correction. A lot of, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I just did not understand, I see what’s your saying, Wow! You really think that, and many more.” There is a dance, of sorts, that happens on this level. Here is a poem I wrote that works here:

DO'IN THE LEELA

I'm not source, but object
not doer, but player
It's all so laughable.
I'm God presence
frolicking the leela
Wrong or right is the melody
good, bad, beautiful, and ugly
are the versus.
And the beat goes on!
I see souls not roles
eternal companions
changing partners
as we doe se doe
to the plan.
I once saw lack
now I see the Kingdom of God,
I am that.
Dancing the leela
just sway to the rhythm
clap the beat and scream, "I am original innocence."

Leela: Leela is the practice of playing the game of life consciously as well as the basic nature of the divine.

I’ve said this before that there is an eternal plan for each of us. The trick is learning to stay out of your own way and letting the plan take place is our life. This is where the mystery becomes real fun for you. I love the way the universe works in my life. They know what is good and right for me. I just think I know what I want. As long as I’m in this human body, there is no “real” way for me to know what is right for me. I learned a while ago to give up planning and let my plan be revealed to me. I’m not perfect at it, but I get many opportunities to practice.

Plans have a way of falling down in mid-flight. When the universe is in charge, the right situations, the right people, and the right outcomes show up. I don’t always like these situations or people, but I always like the outcome. That’s why it is important to turn your free will over to your higher power’s will. If you do, your happiness, is what you will experience.

COME OUT IN THE LIGHT AND SHINE 10-8-11

Random thought: "It’s never the other guy."


Painfully shy, overt/covert aggressiveness, obsessive controlling behavior:

All of these personally traits are learned responses and are all cut from the same cloth.

Modern psychology has each of them diagnosed and treatments outlined which will work when practiced properly. It’s all good.

Psychology is a lot like most medicines; it treats the symptoms but is not the cure.
I’ve done the psychology thing and it helped me a lot to get a healthier outlook and put my healing on a better track.

The cure is to completely embrace your true nature in every way possible. I cannot stress this enough. It is the only cure. Please remember we are not here for a nice life-time we are here to gain momentum for eternity. You will always have your true nature while your human personality is only for the while you are in your body.

There are no mistakes within your true nature. All the virtue you can muster is contained there. To be virtuous is to have absolute joy and happiness most of the time. I say most of the time, because of the human element. Virtue and joy is our birthright of our soul, but while in our human state, we will always be choosing and re-choosing. I say always, because I don’t know anyone who is so virtuous they have reached complete enlightenment that is alive today. There may well be some, and I hope there is. When one is walking around with the “mandate of heaven” there is an expectation to always present virtue. How complete their virtue is would be a question to ask them directly.

One of the issues I seem to always struggle with is when I make a mistake and it is pointed out to me. It’s a work in progress. I wish I could retire so the mistakes I make at work would cease. I choose to look at them as an opportunity to rise above my initial reaction, which I usually get to upon reflection.

People are the precious commodity here. The mistakes I make are not important, but the people involved are. We are all just stumbling along the best we can trying to get this thing called life right. I certainly don’t want to throw any rocks in anyone’s way.

I read once that it is impossible to put another down without hurting both of you.
It’s a hard truth to believe and to understand. Think if it this way, to put another down; that thought was first conceived of in your mind. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how that thought would also have an effect on you.

I know people that are painfully shy and other people that are controlling. Neither of these are easy to change. Use every resource available because it’s good to know who you really are. Come out into the light and shine.

PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR 10-4-11

I am reforming my passive aggressive personality. What is passive/aggressive?

It is saying yes, when you want to say no and then blaming the person for making you say yes. It is being angry at someone, but acting like there is nothing wrong then sneaking quilt in on that person for your feelings. That person does not know how you feel, but they should know better. It’s saying you’ll do something knowing you’ll be mad at that person for asking you to do that. There will be punishment involved whether that person knows why they are being punished or not. It is doing all the thinking and feeling in your relationships for both of you whether your partner even thinks or feels the way you are sure they do.

Sound familiar? Passive/aggressive behavior is a learned response from parents, teachers, people that have authority over you, or learned from intimate partners.

Once I took responsibility from my own happiness, I can no longer respond to situations passively and aggressively. That behavior is no way to be happy. It is not being honest to yourself or anyone else. Confrontations are no fun and most humans steer clear of them in one way or another. Stuffing your feelings with someday explode with all kinds of fallout (divorce, suicide, depression, any other ugly ways).

Have you ever said, “I wish he would just tell me the truth and let me decide what will work for me.” Guess what? That’s a two-way street.

Have you ever heard the saying, “There are only two things we have to do in this life; die and pay taxes?” Neither one of those are true. You don’t have to pay taxes. You may end up in jail, but you don’t HAVE to pay them. There are two friends of mine that have never paid them. Both of these friends are self-employed. As far as the dying part goes, the Bible depicts the story of Enoch who was taken to heaven without dying first. There is also one of the disciples that is still supposed to be still around for the past 2,000 years.

The only thing we all have to do is to be honest because we will never be truly happy unless we are. I am not talking about telling some lie for whatever reason. What I’m talking about is to know your feelings and being honest to yourself about them and if someone you love is on the other side of those feelings, being honest with them. If you just don’t want to tell the other person what you are feeling, then examine the thoughts that are producing those feelings and be honest there and take full responsibility for the outcome. If you do this, most times, you will be able to change your feelings without ever having to involve that other person. This takes a willingness to change your internal programming. It is also the act of real love.