Tuesday, October 4, 2011


I am reforming my passive aggressive personality. What is passive/aggressive?

It is saying yes, when you want to say no and then blaming the person for making you say yes. It is being angry at someone, but acting like there is nothing wrong then sneaking quilt in on that person for your feelings. That person does not know how you feel, but they should know better. It’s saying you’ll do something knowing you’ll be mad at that person for asking you to do that. There will be punishment involved whether that person knows why they are being punished or not. It is doing all the thinking and feeling in your relationships for both of you whether your partner even thinks or feels the way you are sure they do.

Sound familiar? Passive/aggressive behavior is a learned response from parents, teachers, people that have authority over you, or learned from intimate partners.

Once I took responsibility from my own happiness, I can no longer respond to situations passively and aggressively. That behavior is no way to be happy. It is not being honest to yourself or anyone else. Confrontations are no fun and most humans steer clear of them in one way or another. Stuffing your feelings with someday explode with all kinds of fallout (divorce, suicide, depression, any other ugly ways).

Have you ever said, “I wish he would just tell me the truth and let me decide what will work for me.” Guess what? That’s a two-way street.

Have you ever heard the saying, “There are only two things we have to do in this life; die and pay taxes?” Neither one of those are true. You don’t have to pay taxes. You may end up in jail, but you don’t HAVE to pay them. There are two friends of mine that have never paid them. Both of these friends are self-employed. As far as the dying part goes, the Bible depicts the story of Enoch who was taken to heaven without dying first. There is also one of the disciples that is still supposed to be still around for the past 2,000 years.

The only thing we all have to do is to be honest because we will never be truly happy unless we are. I am not talking about telling some lie for whatever reason. What I’m talking about is to know your feelings and being honest to yourself about them and if someone you love is on the other side of those feelings, being honest with them. If you just don’t want to tell the other person what you are feeling, then examine the thoughts that are producing those feelings and be honest there and take full responsibility for the outcome. If you do this, most times, you will be able to change your feelings without ever having to involve that other person. This takes a willingness to change your internal programming. It is also the act of real love.

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