Saturday, October 15, 2011


The only “real” relationship is friendship. I put italics on the word real because I’m coming from the eternal perspective. The fact that I’m pushing we are eternal beings having a human experience is the place for your mind to be while reading this if you are going to get anything out of it. Even if you don’t buy the eternal part, just pretend for the sake of this presentation.

Due to the fact that we are eternal beings and we are here in our bodies and in this world, I find it helpful to separate myself from the endless roles that I am attached to either of my own doing or roles others have put on me. When I say roles I mean, mother, daughter, woman, lover, co-worker, employee, etc. Separating myself from the expectations that come inter-twined with roles helps me not interfere in the lives of my children, family and friends any more. I’ve been guilty of interfering in the past. I make changes every day; therefore, the past for me can be yesterday.

Free will does not mean that I get to choose the plan for my growth. I only get to choose when I learn any of my lessons. The same lesson will be sent to me until I have learned it. I know that I have learned it because I have peace in that situation where I used to have a spectrum of feelings from annoyance to hysteria regarding that situation.

I cringe when I hear people say, “We’re only friends.” "I don't want to ruin our friendship." Once, intimacy enters the friendship, they cease to be friends. It’s no wonder there are so many problems connected to sex.

Friendship has many levels to it:

1. The first level could be called the casual encounter; two students walking home from school together. I
     heard an interesting story in regards to two students walking home from school. One very quiet student
    who no one ever noticed and one popular student live in the same neighborhood. The quiet student was
    walking a way in front of the popular student and accidently dropped his books. The popular student ran
    up and helped him pick up his books. The two continued their walk home side by side exchanging small
    talk. The reason the quiet student had so many books with him was he had decided to kill himself on that
   day. The other student’s offer of friendship saved the other student’s life. The two students became friends
   and stayed friends throughout their lives. The casual encounter could also include a one-night stand,
   bumping into a child and showing the child kindness, and even just exchanging eye contact. There have
   been two occasions where eye contact was so profound that I have never forgot those two moments and
   they each happened many, many years ago.

2. The second level of friendship is acquaintances; neighbors, fellow students, co-workers, friends of your
    close friends, store clerks, etc. These friendships seem to be superficial. There is always an exchange of
    different sorts some pleasant and some aggravating. I have learned many things about myself and the
    world I live in from this level of friendship. Some of these friendships were the beginning of the next level
    of friendship.

3. This level is friends/relationships we get to experience for a time, some longer than others. This level can
     be the beginning of a friendship/relationship that will later become what is perceived as an enemy as in the
     examples of abuse, betrayal, broken promises, etc. Where there once was an open door, now there is a
     wall. I borrowed that line from a song. I’ve had many friends that fit into this level. Friends I wish I still
      had contact with.

4. The final level is friendships/relationships, once formed, last a life-time. It is with these friends we get
   to experience ourselves to the fullest from the worst of us to the best of us. There are many lessons on this
   level that will carry us into eternity.

There is lots of rhetoric on how to be a good friend. This can be helpful if you have run across it and choose to use the advice in nurturing your friendships/relationships. Mainly these peopel provide a process of reaction and correction. A lot of, “I’m sorry, please forgive me, I just did not understand, I see what’s your saying, Wow! You really think that, and many more.” There is a dance, of sorts, that happens on this level. Here is a poem I wrote that works here:


I'm not source, but object
not doer, but player
It's all so laughable.
I'm God presence
frolicking the leela
Wrong or right is the melody
good, bad, beautiful, and ugly
are the versus.
And the beat goes on!
I see souls not roles
eternal companions
changing partners
as we doe se doe
to the plan.
I once saw lack
now I see the Kingdom of God,
I am that.
Dancing the leela
just sway to the rhythm
clap the beat and scream, "I am original innocence."

Leela: Leela is the practice of playing the game of life consciously as well as the basic nature of the divine.

I’ve said this before that there is an eternal plan for each of us. The trick is learning to stay out of your own way and letting the plan take place is our life. This is where the mystery becomes real fun for you. I love the way the universe works in my life. They know what is good and right for me. I just think I know what I want. As long as I’m in this human body, there is no “real” way for me to know what is right for me. I learned a while ago to give up planning and let my plan be revealed to me. I’m not perfect at it, but I get many opportunities to practice.

Plans have a way of falling down in mid-flight. When the universe is in charge, the right situations, the right people, and the right outcomes show up. I don’t always like these situations or people, but I always like the outcome. That’s why it is important to turn your free will over to your higher power’s will. If you do, your happiness, is what you will experience.

1 comment:

jim carroll said...

hi doris,

really well said. i too have had trouble getting out of my own way. as dave matthews said "my head won't leave my head alone". giving up control, which is only releasing the illusion of control, is very hard for everyone, and especially hard for some of us.

it is surprising to me how many times the thing i have wished for has been completely unavailable to me until i let go of the reins and just left the intention on the back burner. it allows me the perspective to recognize the doors or windows that i miss when i am "driving".

thanks for the reminder. hope you are well. the day to day details seem to have "closed a door" between us, but i always valued the friendship we had "back in the day". we were a lot alike. sometimes we didn't fit in the same room. i think we would now...