I am a cured relationship addict. I have fallen under the spell of delusional love many, many times. Did I say many? Yes, many times. I lived in Maui for a year and while there, I was cured from being co-dependant. I no longer experienced the “need” to be in an intimate relationship. This was a miracle for me.
The rest of what I’m going to say is purely my opinion. I think delusional love is not so much about the other person as it is about us. The other person represents something that we see is lacking in ourselves even though we may not be aware that we see any lack. There is something about being with this person that fills us up and adds value to us. This value we give to ourselves because of what we see in the other person. I realized that I valued myself through my sexuality and what I thought the men I was with thought about me. Have you ever asked yourself if you even knew the other person you just broke it off with? The truth is what we knew about that person is whay we wanted to know.
Many people have turned delusional love into a very real shared love with respect, friendship and longevity. Kudos to them.
My case is similar to what I hear many other people say. I was co-dependant and tended to give up my plans, my needs, and my individual thinking to do their plan and take care of their needs. It seems I go for the self-absorbed type. I know that a couple of these men were “nice guys”. I put that in parenthesis because nice guys have trouble talking about what bothers them. They do not like any confrontation. In order to have a happy healthy relationship, it is important to be able to communicate with your partner about every issue. Changes cannot be made if you don’t have inkling that something is wrong.
I focus on myself better when I'm not in a relationship. I get more of me accomplished. I'm a better mother, better friend, and better employee. My spirituality has progressed further and is stronger.
If you are with someone who finds it impossible or very difficult to discuss their feelings, I implore you to find a safe way to make communication possible. Be friends and be loving. Each of you take responsibility for how you each, individually see what needs correcting. The grass is not greener. The face may change but the problems will be the same. It’s never the other guy! Fix what’s wrong with your ability to relate well.
The kind of happiness that is presented in this blog is not temporary happiness, it is all-encompassing happiness. It can happen. It’s a lot of hard work to change ourselves from within, but it is so worth it. It is why were are here at this time. You will discover your relationships transform.